Friday, November 19, 2010

Then V Now

So, I’ve recently discovered that this blog has more of an audience than Con (word up, dad) and Perri (hello!) but also a few friends from High School (Hi Haley!).

I’ve been told, on more than one occasion, that people were surprised that I wanted to be a mom and/or that I am a mom.

The last person to say this to me was Haley, a friend from high school, and her statement came with one of the greatest and sweetest compliments one could give another. It also gave me the idea for this blog post. So Haley, if I make any money off of this post, I'll give you 2%. And not a penny more. And don't involve the family of lawyers. :-)

The first person who told me that they were surprised that I "had any interest in being a mom" was my Great Aunt Helen and since she’s on more legal drugs than anyone I know (aside from my students, whose drugs are more of the non-legal variety) I kind of blew her off. Although her comment was very rude and condescending (but, I guess everything that comes out of her mouth is... so what's new Mountain Dew?) (PS She's pretty computer savvy, no one gave her this blog link, right? I'd hate to get taken out of the will... she's loaded.)

My husband showed great concern during my first weeks of motherhood (you know the constant crying (me, not the baby), the lack of baby talk (me), the detest at changing diapers (not too much has changed in that department), and, in general, my lack of connecting with my daughter. I’m glad Helen’s comment came after I got over the hump of “what the H am I doing with this whole motherhood thing" or I might be referring to her as my late Great Aunt Helen. Bryan waited until I cleared the initial shock/baby blues to talk to me about it (he's a smart one). Looking back on it, it was a tough transition. I'll never forget, right about the time I began pushing (in the hospital) a baby was born a few rooms over, and let me tell you what, that kid had a set of lungs. It literally cried and cried and cried and then for the heck of it, it cried some more. At that point Bryan turned to me and said: "are you ready for that?" and in my head I was like, "nope. let's put this show on hold." I think that I was finally realizing how greatly my life was about to change and I was having a bit of cold feet. I had about 2 weeks of cold feet before I adjusted to motherhood. Can you imagine how terrifying that must have been for Bryan to see his wife operating like "a robot" around his new baby and not knowing how to address it to me? Poor guy.

So when people say things to me about me being a mom and their surprise (or some form of that statement) I want to say, "I know, right?!?" because it didn't really come easy to me. I loved her from the minute I saw her. I cried. I knew I would never want anything more than to just spend every minute of every day with her, but the thought of being a mom was so foreign to me. I didn't know what that role entailed. And I'm sure that was because I grew up sans mom.

Anywho, long story short, I am now totally THAT mom. I think everyone around me cares about Elle, her poops, her eating and sleeping habits, her favorite books, favorite songs, etc etc etc. This time a few years ago, I was totally not that person. In fact, if the Old Courtney met the New Courtney on the street I wonder if we'd get along? Old Courtney would have probably rolled her eyes at New Courtney and New Courtney would have envied Old Courtney's stylish clothes, skinny legs, rested appearance, etc, but nothing that really matters, because New Courtney's got this cute little baby thing. Babies used to weird me out. I knew they were in the cards for me, but that was about it. And while the thought of more are still scaring the eggs right out of me, the thought of what my life was like without Elle is almost as sad. How cliche is that? But she really is the greatest thing ever. Bar none.

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