Suprise suprise, FOX News is on the TV. This is our basement, otherwise known as Bryan's Cave. We don't spend much time down here, mostly because, the TV is too small (says Bryan). I said we shouldn't even have a TV down there, make it a space we go to have a fire, relax, read a book, etc.
That went over like a lead balloon.
Anywho, Con stitched all of our names into the stockings. How fancy, right?!? He's a very crafty and yet, very straight, man. Even though when I was in high school we started a rumor that he was boyfriends with my friends uncle - it was just a rumor. And, even though whenever he goes out to the bars he, without fail, gets a drink bought for him by a very friendly gentleman, he is still not gay. Nope, not gay. Just crafty. You can be both crafty and straight. It's a new generation.
This is how Elle spent most of the day today. Either laying on Bryan's or my chest, sleeping or just kind of vegging out.
It's such a horrible thing to see Elle sick, mostly because we have no idea what's wrong, aside from a fever. She woke up around 1:30 this morning and her fever was 102.5 which was pretty scary. We gave her some Tylenol and then ended up giving her a cold(ish) bath to cool her down. We were back in bed around 2:30/3:00 am and up again at 6. She's been in her crib asleep for almost an hour now, so I'm running around like a crazy woman trying to load the dishwasher, do some laundry, put clothes away, etc because sick babies are like having newborns. You can't put them down, you just hold them and while I was used to living in an unorganized house when she was little it was driving me NUTS today.
So I stopped running around like crazy to post this - but I'm off to go finish running.
This was last weekend, Saturday, Elle's first official snow fall. Even though she was born and lived through plenty of snows last year she was between 2 and 5 months old when there was snow on the ground, I doubt she remembers it. I mean, she's the smartest baby ever and all, but I'm fairly certain she does not remember. Anywho, she loved it.
PS No need to call children's services regarding the lack of appropriate hand coverings, she now has gloves.
Short story, Con, the mittens you bought to go with her hat last year, well, they don't have thumb holes! WTF? So, Toben's wearing them since he has no thumbs, or a brain, but mostly thumbs.
Which reminds me, dad, do you remember when I had a note sent home in 3rd grade because Kelly and I couldn't stop laughing in class (due to some drilling in the hall that totally sounded like a fart, by the way.) And you said you couldn't sleep all weekend because you were worried that I was becoming a bad kid. I feel like you may have overreacted on that one, no?
So, I’ve recently discovered that this blog has more of an audience than Con (word up, dad) and Perri (hello!) but also a few friends from High School (Hi Haley!).
I’ve been told, on more than one occasion, that people were surprised that I wanted to be a mom and/or that I am a mom.
The last person to say this to me was Haley, a friend from high school, and her statement came with one of the greatest and sweetest compliments one could give another. It also gave me the idea for this blog post. So Haley, if I make any money off of this post, I'll give you 2%. And not a penny more. And don't involve the family of lawyers. :-)
The first person who told me that they were surprised that I "had any interest in being a mom" was my Great Aunt Helen and since she’s on more legal drugs than anyone I know (aside from my students, whose drugs are more of the non-legal variety) I kind of blew her off. Although her comment was very rude and condescending (but, I guess everything that comes out of her mouth is... so what's new Mountain Dew?) (PS She's pretty computer savvy, no one gave her this blog link, right? I'd hate to get taken out of the will... she's loaded.)
My husband showed great concern during my first weeks of motherhood (you know the constant crying (me, not the baby), the lack of baby talk (me), the detest at changing diapers (not too much has changed in that department), and, in general, my lack of connecting with my daughter. I’m glad Helen’s comment came after I got over the hump of “what the H am I doing with this whole motherhood thing" or I might be referring to her as my late Great Aunt Helen. Bryan waited until I cleared the initial shock/baby blues to talk to me about it (he's a smart one). Looking back on it, it was a tough transition. I'll never forget, right about the time I began pushing (in the hospital) a baby was born a few rooms over, and let me tell you what, that kid had a set of lungs. It literally cried and cried and cried and then for the heck of it, it cried some more. At that point Bryan turned to me and said: "are you ready for that?" and in my head I was like, "nope. let's put this show on hold." I think that I was finally realizing how greatly my life was about to change and I was having a bit of cold feet. I had about 2 weeks of cold feet before I adjusted to motherhood. Can you imagine how terrifying that must have been for Bryan to see his wife operating like "a robot" around his new baby and not knowing how to address it to me? Poor guy.
So when people say things to me about me being a mom and their surprise (or some form of that statement) I want to say, "I know, right?!?" because it didn't really come easy to me. I loved her from the minute I saw her. I cried. I knew I would never want anything more than to just spend every minute of every day with her, but the thought of being a mom was so foreign to me. I didn't know what that role entailed. And I'm sure that was because I grew up sans mom.
Anywho, long story short, I am now totally THAT mom. I think everyone around me cares about Elle, her poops, her eating and sleeping habits, her favorite books, favorite songs, etc etc etc. This time a few years ago, I was totally not that person. In fact, if the Old Courtney met the New Courtney on the street I wonder if we'd get along? Old Courtney would have probably rolled her eyes at New Courtney and New Courtney would have envied Old Courtney's stylish clothes, skinny legs, rested appearance, etc, but nothing that really matters, because New Courtney's got this cute little baby thing. Babies used to weird me out. I knew they were in the cards for me, but that was about it. And while the thought of more are still scaring the eggs right out of me, the thought of what my life was like without Elle is almost as sad. How cliche is that? But she really is the greatest thing ever. Bar none.
You know, I am going to make a personal goal to not swear throughout this entire post, even though, I hate you so much that swearing is really all I want to do when I discuss you.
We've had a very rocky relationship, you and I. I feel very betrayed by you and wish that you'd just go ahead and die. Sorry to sound harsh, but that is my wish for you. Cars really have one purpose and one purpose only, to transport the driver from point A to point B. But you, Mr. Ion, can't even do that. What good are you as a car if you won't even run? You should be ashamed of yourself. And what's more, it's quite obvious that you would really prefer not to run because when we take you in to get fixed, you run like a champ. (I'd really like to swear at you right now. But I won't stoop to your level). The mechanics turn to us and go, "seems fine to me!"
Now, I've thought long and hard about how to get rid of you, but I can't quite figure out how to smash you into something without causing harm to myself. I could drive you to a sketchy part of Dayton and hope someone steals you, but really, who are we kidding, you wouldn't start. You'd just sit there and the thieves would lose interest in this so called "car" that doesn't run.
So listen up, I know you hold the upper hand right now, and I know you're a little hurt because you hardly ever get used, but lets be honest, why would we drive anywhere with you, with the baby in the car, if you just decide not to start? We don't want to be trapped away from home with this poor excuse for a car.
Now I know we've had some good times together... I can't remember any right now, but I'm sure there were some. I just need you to do whatever it is that you need to do to get yourself together... go to counseling, go find some other Saturn friends and cry about the fact that your company sucks, I don't know, but don't take it out on me. I bought you, ok? I treat you well. I change your oil, wash you, rotate your tires, get you regular tune ups, etc etc. Now do your part and just run. Start when I turn the key. It's really quite simple.
When you have a baby that is on a routine and you throw in daylight savings time life becomes unbearable. Like I'm pretty sure Miss Daylight Savings is a close relative of the Devil. Yup. I went there.
Sunday morning Elle was up a 4:47 AM like IN THE MORNING. Even if it was 5:47 that is still REALLY *FBOMB* EARLY. This morning, 5:45. Let's see what kind of treat I'll have tomorrow morning. Hopefully a nice, 7 or 7:30 am. I'd be good with that.
In other news, Elle moves to the Mobile Toddler room tomorrow at daycare. I don't know how I feel about it. I'm excited because she will have more of a curriculum; reading books, sensory, more things for her to climb on, etc. There are less kids in her room (6) but only one adult. Who is totally weird. But I'll look past that.
We are still working out the food issue, I don't like a lot of the food they feed the kids there (Doritos, yup, healthy? nope!) chocolate brownies, apple strudel, and a variety of other sugary food that Elle doesn't eat. They are being really good about letting us bring in alternatives, I hate to be that parent, but come on, she's one, does she really need to be eating chips and brownies for snack?
Here's a few snippets from Elle's birthday party last weekend. It was a little overwhelming for her, which in turn became overwhelming for me as I felt disappointed that she wasn't laughing, having fun, and being her goofy happy self. Buut, as soon as the house cleared out she was back to being the Elleanor we all know and love. So, you missed it, sorry, too bad.
She's such a high maintenance little girl and she's only one. I wish I knew where she got it from...
Also, party planning is hard work and I didn't even handle the food. Next year: sheet cake from the bakery, store bought hats, streamers, etc and a frozen pizza.
Ok, I'm kidding, I'll have the pizza delivered from Domino's.
Guys, can I just brag a little bit and tell you that I have lost 17 lbs! I still have roughly 20 more to go before I reach my pre-baby weight, but I am beginning to fit into some of my old clothes which is such a great feeling! Although, when your old clothes are from almost 2 years ago they aren't quite as fashionable as I remember.... oh well, I won't focus on that!
Elleanor had her first birthday party this weekend!
I'm not a fan of my outfit today, so I thought I'd start this post on a high note with the cutest baby ever.
Here's what she wore:
Top: Made by mama (ok, I bought the t shirt from Hobby Lobby, but I sewed? sewn? on the number) Woah, definitely was not an English major in college.
Skirt: Made by mama
Leggings: Baby Legs
Sigh... now to me.
Since it's Monday, and I'm working from home, I really didn't put the effort into this outfit that I should have. I know a lot of you "bank" outfits and use those on the days when your style isn't up to par, I should have done that today!
I was going to point out everything I hate about this outfit, but who wants to hear me whine anymore than I already have?
So I'm done.
Jeans: Seven for All Mankind
Tank - Express
Sweater - Thrifted
Shoes: Rampage (They are the clogs that are totally in right now and I'm not sure I am on the bandwagon with them or not)
It's a little fashion week that a few blogs that I read have done for a while. I've always looked at everyone's posts longingly wishing I could/would have participated. And now, I'm gonna do it, baby! Hopefully I drop a few more LBs before then so I can hopefully, cross your fingers/toes/eyes, whatever you can cross and wish me luck so that I can pull off some cute outfits that don't involve leggings!!!!
Here's a few random thoughts that are going through my head right now:
1. I should NEVER be allowed to "work from home" because, as you can see, I'm updating my blog while "working". 2. This whole diet thing really sucks. Like major. But, this is the price I pay for eating the last two years like it was my job. And I was damn good at it. I got several promotions while eating for my job, I made my way all the way up to CEO of the eat like it's your job company. My area of speciality: shit food (read: chocolate, chocolate, sweets, chocolate, chips, cookies, fast food, pizza, etc) My motivation to get back to my pre-baby weight: wearing my True Religion's. Shallow? Perhaps. 3. Elleanor's cute. The end.
I've been wary of writing about this because I read dooce and whenever she writes about her daughter's successes (in this case, sleeping) the situation always changes for the worse. So, the lesson is, bragging about your sleeping success never turns out good. But, because I like to live on the edge, I'm going to go ahead and write about how great of a sleeper Elleanor has become.
It's been over a week since Elle's been sleeping in her crib. Prior to that, she slept with Bryan and I. Now, I was very anti co-sleeping throughout my pregnancy, in hindsight, I really never knew what the H I was in for with this baby (and I'm not just talking about sleep here, I had no clue of what taking care of a baby was all about).
But I digress, our first night home, when I couldn't get her to sleep in her bassinet, Bryan said (and I'll never forget this) "why don't you just bring her to bed with us." I was like, "ummmm, yeah, we can try that" fast forward 10 1/2 months later, one sore back, many many many nights of horrible sleep and here's a much bigger Elleanor still in bed with us. So, on Friday, September 10th, she went into her crib. And, guess what?!? She loves it. Everyone is sleeping better! (Even the dogs) Last night she slept through the night! The night before, one wake up (no biggie). She was literally waking up 5 - 10x a night when she was in bed with us. (It's amazing I stayed 1. sober and 2. sane over these past 10 1/2 months). We didn't have to do any sort of cry it out (thank you Jesus!). I will say, my only concern thus far is that we don't put her down awake and let her fall asleep on her own. We rock her until she's asleep and then set her down. Sometimes in the "setting down" process she wakes up, but she can, at that point, put herself to sleep.
Now let me tell you what, I know how lucky I am that this whole transition from co-sleeping to crib went as smoothly as it did. I like to say though, that even though she's not screaming, tantruming (is that a word?), etc at being in the crib, I feel that I endured enough torture in the whole sleep department and that this is my reward.
So, Elleanor has not nursed since yesterday afternoon. And, during those nursings, she began biting. She'd bite, look up at me, smile, and then bite again. I told her no. And then, last night, she wouldn't nurse. Would scream when I tried to nurse, it was horrible She nursed last night, in her sleep, but then this morning, wouldn't have any of it. All day she had pumped milk at daycare and then, when I got home and all night long, she screamed when I try to nurse. From everything I've read, she's on a nursing strike. Why? I think she has some back teeth coming in? Because we traveled this weekend? Because I didn't nurse her as much this weekend as I normally do? Because I'm a bad mom? One thing I know for sure, from everything I read, babies don't normally wean before 18 - 24 months. So, I'm fairly confident that it is a strike and that hopefully, in a few days, she'll return to my happy nursing baby. If not, I'll just have to pump?
This is totally sad and I am not ok with it. It's bad enough that Elle's walking, motoring around the house, and way too busy to be baby, but she needs to nurse. That was my last hold on her being a baby. Ok, I'm off to cry.
In an effort to please Grandpa Con, here's a bunch of Elleanor pictures.
Don't mind the same outfit/different picture issue I have. I just love all her pictures. I want to show them all to you. Even if it's the exact same outfit, exact same day, exact same time, but DIFFERENT FACE! IT'S A DIFFERENT FACE, BRYAN! YES, I KNOW I JUST TOOK 12 PICTURES OF HER BUT HER FACES ARE ALL DIFFERENT AND ALL CUTE IN ALL 12 PICTURES!
Ok, sorry about that.
Haley had a sleep over, here's Elle eating breakfast with the big girls. Totally cute.
Today I officially have gained the understanding of what it is to be a mom. While out shopping this afternoon Elle choked on one of her crackers. I have to tell the whole story, just to get it out, so that I can process and move on. It was probably the scariest moment of my life.
Bryan, Elle, and I were in the dressing room. We had been giving Elle her puffs and some small crackers to munch on while we got dressed. I walked out to look in the mirror and she began to cry, wanting to walk out with me. Bryan held her in the room, I came back, she began to walk towards me and then started to cough. I patted her back and let her cough but she kept coughing. The cough began to get worse, turning into more of a gagging, and that's when I panicked. I picked her up, when to Bryan and said, she's choking. He took her and knew exactly what to do. Mouth sweeps, put her on her belly at a downward angle, etc. I, on the other hand, began to have a meltdown. I started to shake, cry, I was telling him we needed to call 911 (she was still crying/coughing) and, on top of dealing with the baby, Bryan kept assuring me that she was ok because she was making noise. He then did another sweep, really stuck his finger down her throat, felt the cracker, and was able to push it down. She made a gagging sound, and then, once he was sure it was through, he sat her up. I was still not ok. I began to cry even harder. The sense of not being able to help her was too much. The feeling of complete and utter helplessness was too heavy. How do mothers who have lost children do it? How do mothers who have sick babies do it? The strength they have is amazing.
After it was over with, I became very disappointed in myself. What would have happened if Bryan wasn't there? Would I have known what to do? I knew to do mouth sweeps, but that was it. I pretty much grazed over the rest of the information we learned regarding infant CPR.
I looked up infant choking procedure on WebMDs website. It's not as thorough as I'd like, but I now have a better understanding and handle on how to deal with this situation if I am ever faced with it again.
All I have to say is HOLY CRAP for the past week or so I could of sworn that I had a 2 year old and not a 10 month old! Elleanor is amazing AMAZING at throwing temper tantrums! And, since she's my first, I asked Bryan if maybe she has some sort of an anger issue?
Example: She's trying to stand up from a crawl position and is standing on her dress, making it hard for her to stand up, she screams, SCREAMS! and grunts in frustration until she figures out why the H she can't stand up.
Example 2: Changing her diaper. Nope. No can do. In her head she hears: the most horrible thing EVER. And lets you know she doesn't want to cooperate. Multiple other examples. But it was becoming a little annoying/exhausting. She also wasn't eating. Still nursing, but not eating. And then, yesterday, it all stopped. She regained her title as "The Happiest Baby in the World". Thank goodness! I honestly had a sit down conversation with Bryan the night before she returned to the normal Elleanor about only having one baby. "It's too much" I said. "I cannot deal with this behavior, what happens when she turns two, I heard it's the two's that are bad!" But, now that she's back to her old self, eating, and smiling, and laughing, and hugging and kissing mommy the option of more babies is back on the table. Just not for a looong looong looong time. :-)
Very little, ok, no progress has been made on the nursery. Not for lack of trying, but more due to the fact that I have a mobile 10 month old who dislikes sleeping. That's my life in a nutshell, the end. Thanks for coming by.
So, I need your help. Remember when I talked about the complete lack of taste that the previous inhabitants of this house had? Tacky paint colors. Tacky wall paper. Well, my friends, behold, this magnificent, wonderful, beautiful piece of ceiling fan decor.
Yup. Someone spent actual money on this thing. And, it does not come off. And, as I stated, I have a very small budget. One that cannot accommodate a new ceiling fan. Here's where you come in... what suggestions/tips/advice to you have on how to cover this? I'm thinking of some form of a fabric billowy/hippy-ish thing. I don't know. Obviously I am not a decorator. But I do know one thing. This ceiling fan is NOT OK.
Here are a few other items I have for the nursery:
Cute basket matching the colors of bedding and painting. I love me some baskets.
I picked this painting up at a home decor store. What do you think of it? Is it suitable for a nursery? Too 'old person'-ish? (Sorry Con).
I thought the flowers worked with the bedding. No? Yes?
I'll post pictures of my frames later.
And just to make you smile. Here's a cute picture. A fashion statement that only Elleanor can pull off.