Sunday, August 8, 2010

Bad Mom/Bad Wife

Today was not a good day. Bryan is gone again, he left Friday and won't be back until next Monday. So, that means it's just Elleanor and I. Which is totally fine. I love my one on one time with her. I actually look forward to our alone time, especially since Haley and Chandler have been here, I sometimes feel like she doesn't get enough 'mommy time' when there are lots of people around. But, with that said, holy shit did I need a break today. She wasn't horrible. Not a lot of crying but not a lot of sleeping either. She slept horribly last night. I lost track after about 5x of her waking up. So, when she woke up this morning, I told myself that she's tired and will be taking a nap soon. She did, about 90 min after waking up, but only slept for about 30 min. Whaaat???? Ok, we are going to play this game. So now it's 11. I have a crabby/sleepy baby on my hands. Finally at 1:30 we got into the car for a drive, an hour later, she was asleep. I got home, put the dogs out so that they wouldn't bark/jump when I brought her in, got everything all set up, brought her in and BAM she woke up. Are you kidding me with this?!? Tried getting her back to sleep. Nothing. Finally 4 pm, I take her in the bedroom, shut the door, and tell her we are not leaving this room until 6 pm. You will sleep. And, she did. After lots of tears, songs, shushing, etc. It was 4:30 by the time she fell asleep, and was up at 5:40, but, I'll take that. She's asleep now. For how long? Who the heck knows.
Oh look she's awake. I can see her on our monitor. Awesome. (Fell back asleep... phew!)
So what makes me a bad mom? I have not taught Elle how to fall asleep. She has to, has to, has to, be rocked, sung to, nursed, snuggled with, and any or all combination of these things in order to fall asleep. So, on a day when that cannot be done, no naps are taken (this rarely happens, except at daycare). And on those days I feel like such a horrible mother. Why didn't I put her to sleep in her bassinets when she was little? Why have I not ever not once had her sleep in her crib? Ugh! The mistakes us first time moms make.
So what did I do to deal with my frustration today? I called my husband. Numerous times. And yelled at him. It was all his fault. Why did he have to leave? Why is he gone so much? Doesn't he know that he's the only one who can get her to sleep?!?! (It's true - he holds the power). And then I hung up on him and haven't talked to him since. This was around 3? It's almost 9:30, we never do this. He's obviously mad and I'm not budging. What a great relationship example I am for my daughter, right?
Seriously. How do single mom's do it? How do mom's with more than one child do it?

1 comment:

  1. Right there with you...I have those days of everything being my hubs fault (and often times I really really believe it is!) and then I have to take a deep breath (and a big glass of wine) and remember that this time (of rocking and nursing) is short and that eventually she will sleep on her least I hope so. Good luck lady, you are doing a great job.